I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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