i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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