at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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