It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize