This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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