i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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