Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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