I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
