you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
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He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
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I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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