Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
