We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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