Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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