You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
