Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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