Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
