I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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