The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Randomize
