maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
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We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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