There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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