I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
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Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
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Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
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