I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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