Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
