Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Couch. On fire.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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