guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
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Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
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I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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