I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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