then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
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I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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