we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
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He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
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And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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