I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
