Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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