Acid is not a monday night drug
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
