Betty ford says i'm here all night
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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