I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
