Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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