...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He shit in the fireplace
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize