3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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