Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
