No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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