you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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