No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
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at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
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Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
tell me about the fingering
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