i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.