Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
