Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
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Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
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Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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