It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my hands just texted you
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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