We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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