we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize