I can text with my tongue
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize