And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
