Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
