I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
