i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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