i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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